i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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