he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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