Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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