My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
did i walk over a car last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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