this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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