you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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