i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
