He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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