Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
