i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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