drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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