The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
