So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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