What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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