Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
