you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
