It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
