Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
