just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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