actually, I'm a sock model
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
