I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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