So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
