seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
