lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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