why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize