Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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