i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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