somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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