Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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