So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
