dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
