dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
