Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
