Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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