You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
