I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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