I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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