Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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