My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
