the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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