I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
