My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
