Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
