no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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