He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
