I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
