found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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