the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you didnt know i had herpes?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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