I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
