Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
