Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
