You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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