one might say we're banned from that church
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
