best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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