Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
