I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well you can't waste a boner
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize