I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
