I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
