jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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