I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
