ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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