$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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