just tell him i said nine months
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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